Would you love to be more fully seen and met, with love, in the totality of who you are?
Sharing intimacy and connection in our relationships is one of the most fulfilling aspects of being human. We are made for connection; to see and be seen, to hear and be heard, and to hold and be held, in love. Intimacy keeps our relationships fresh and fulfilling, is the glue in our relationships that keeps loved ones together through the ups and downs of life, and brings depth and richness to our lives.
Intimacy can be described as seeing and meeting ourselves and others – and being seen and met – as much as possible, in all our colours. It asks for us to show up without masks, to reveal who we really are, to connect in real, authentic and honest ways, and to be willing to see and meet others for who, and as, they really are.
Intimacy with others begins with intimacy with ourselves. The more deeply we are connected with ourselves, the greater our capacity to connect with others. This means being in touch with what’s happening within us as much as we can be, including all our feelings and all parts of us. The more present we are with ourselves in this way, the more present we can be with another.
When we are in touch with what feels right for us from moment to moment, and we are willing and able to express this truth, we can meet the other as our real, authentic self (see themes Authentic Relating & Kind Communication and Healthy Personal Boundaries). Self-intimacy means seeing and meeting our whole selves, which supports us to live from the deepest essence of who we are, rather than the conditioned and autopilot self.
At times, we may find ourselves longing for connection, whilst also struggling to be open to it. Perhaps we don’t feel loveable, so it’s hard to let love in. Or perhaps we don’t want to get hurt as we have done in the past, so we try to protect ourselves… but this also hurts, because we are then keeping ourselves from the intimacy we long for. Our protection mechanisms may be working on autopilot, leaving us frustrated and, perhaps baffled by, our disconnection from ourselves and others.
By bringing kind awareness to our barriers to intimacy, we can open to experiencing it more fully, and find deeper fulfilment in our relationship with ourselves and others in everyday life.
Intimacy is an experience of being, it is not something we can get or do. This is perhaps one of the reasons why we can find it such tricky terrain. In a world where we are taught that we are not enough as we are, that we have to be perfect to be loved, and that we need to work hard to improve and fix ourselves and each other, it can be difficult to allow ourselves to simply be, where we can open to intimacy with ourselves and others.
To experience intimacy, we need to embrace our vulnerability. We need to drop the defences that do not serve us. We need healthy personal boundaries, to be present with what is here and now, to be willing to step into the unknown, and to drop our ideas and stories about how we and others should be, so that we can embrace and celebrate ourselves and each other as we are, in all our glorious messy humanness, with open-hearted courage.
Different ways to explore each theme
Coaching can support you to make real, lasting changes in your relationship with yourself, others and life. Sessions can be held in person or via Skype.
Workshops can support you to make real, lasting changes in your relationship with yourself, others and life.
Are you not sure where to start? Get in touch to book a consultation.
Workshops to develop healthy personal boundaries
Explore your own inner world and deepen your connection with yourself in this workshop.
What is self-care? What gets in the way? Explore what it means to truly and lovingly care or yourself in this workshop.
Harmonious relationships: Stepping off the drama triangle
Learn how to step out of this common human dynamic, for your personal empowerment and more harmony in your relationships.
Creative Listening Workshop-Gig
Explore a creative listening adventure as both workshop participant and audience member.