Part 1 of this blog series looked at how essential it is to have healthy personal boundaries, so that you can be open to meeting a suitable partner for a love relationship. What we say “Yes” to and what we say “No” to in life does, after all, shape our experience. This part of the blog explores why you need a healthy Yes and No as you begin to connect with someone more deeply and move into the early stages of a relationship.
It can be really exciting (and/or scary!) when you first meet someone you have a romantic interest in. You’re enjoying getting to know them, your feelings are growing, you find yourself thinking about them more and more, and it feels pretty good (and/or pretty scary!). Maybe you’re even finding yourself falling in love, your heart is exploding with joy, your body is alive with desire and your head is somewhere in the clouds! You are feeling a big “YES!” to being with this person, and it is wonderful.
And, to have a healthy big “YES!” you need a healthy NO. Your Yes doesn’t mean anything unless you also have a No that you’re willing to pull out of your rucksack when you need it. In other words, in the midst of your big Yes, you need to continue listening deeply to your inner self from moment to moment, so that if a “No” arises within you, you can still hear it, and express it. Say, for example, your new partner wants to introduce you to their family, and although you like the idea, you have a subtle, niggling “No” feeling inside. Perhaps things are moving a little too fast for you and you need more time to settle into the relationship first.
It might be tempting to ignore this subtle feeling and just say Yes. Perhaps you want to please your new partner, or you’re so swept up in the romance and excitement that it’s all you’re willing to let yourself feel. By not listening to, and honoring, ALL your feelings, you are not taking true care of yourself and your needs, and you are not staying connected with your whole self.
Staying connected with yourself and your inner truth is an essential part of saying Yes to a love relationship. The first relationship you need to tend to is your relationship with yourself; it is not possible to connect deeply with someone else unless you are first deeply connected with yourself.
If you find yourself in a big whirlwind of romance and you have a subtle (or not so subtle!) sense of losing your own ground, or that you’re “getting lost” in your partner, it can really help to slow things down. Learn to listen deeply to yourself. Communicate your Yes and No feelings openly and honestly with your partner. As well as keeping you connected with yourself, this will help deepen your connection with your partner.
A healthy Yes and No are essential ingredients for a healthy and fulfilling relationship. If you listen to them and honor them, they will guide you into deeper connection. When you welcome your own (and your partner’s) authentic Yes and No as they arise, they will show you the pathway to a truly authentic and loving relationship, with both yourself, and with your new love.