When I tell people that I’m a relationships coach, they often ask me what made me choose this as my work.
The best answer I can give is that I see life as being made of relationships, because our relationship to ourselves, to others and to life, is ultimately what determines our experience (and quality) of life. So one of my biggest curiosities has always been how relationships work, and how us humans can make them work for us, so that we can be as happy and fulfilled as we can be.
It’s my job to support people to enjoy wellbeing, confidence and happiness in all the relationships that make up their life experience: their relationships with themselves (the primary relationship which determines the quality of all our other relationships and interactions) their relationships with family, partner(s), friends, work colleagues, customers/clients, and of course with life itself. I have the huge privilege of witnessing the transformation of my clients’ relationships and seeing how much those changes improve their quality of life.
I tend to my own human relationships in the same way an avid gardener tends to their garden. I plant, water, weed and feed, by turning up as best I can for both myself and others: with presence, kindness, compassion, clear communication and deep listening, healthy boundaries, authenticity, self-awareness, curiosity and a keen willingness to keep learning and growing.
I appreciate the challenges my relationships bring me as much as I appreciate the joys, because they provide an essential training ground for my work. My choice of professional training has been largely led by what I myself have needed to learn over the course of my own life in order to have healthy, harmonious and fulfilling relationships. First I walk the walk (experience the challenge), then I learn the talk (get training to help me face the challenge). Then I both talk the walk (use what I learn to support my clients facing similar challenges) and walk the talk (continue to live it in my own life)!
For example, I chose to take training in polyvagal theory because I noticed how much the survival states of flight/flight and freeze – both my own and others – affected my relationships. I wanted to learn how to better understand and regulate my nervous system so that I could be more present and connected, with both myself and others, when relational challenges arose, and to be able to support my clients to do the same. Undergoing training in Voice Dialogue was also inspired by a desire to benefit both my personal and professional relationships. It gave me a deeper understanding of my own inner world of different parts or “selves” and how they turn up in my relationship with myself and others, whilst providing me with the skills needed to support my clients as a Voice Dialogue facilitator.
I think it’s fair to say that my work is very much a way of life. I love engaging in this cycle of ongoing learning, growth and service, and I’m hugely grateful for it.
Part 1 of this blog series looked at how essential it is to have healthy personal boundaries to meet a suitable partner for a romantic relationship. Part 2 explored why we need a healthy Yes and No as we begin to connect with someone more deeply and move into the...
Part 1 of this blog series looked at how essential it is to have healthy personal boundaries when you are open to meeting a suitable partner for a love relationship. What we say “Yes” to and what we say “No” to in life does, after all, shape our experience. This part...
Let’s start with NO. Saying NO to something you don’t want can be a way of saying YES to yourself, and what you DO want. For example, saying No to going out for dinner because you’d rather stay at home and read a book means you are free to do just that, stay at home...